Issue 115

February
2006

publisher:
Gail Johnson

 

Dysfunction Junction:

 The New Workplace "Normal"

 

 

I have come to the conclusion that this--Dysfunction Junction--is where we (you and I) work. I don't intend for this to be a comedic observation; but a frank commentary on the dysfunctional behaviors that are flourishing in workplaces everywhere. Please know that none of us are exempt--even Face to Face, and this is a very small office.

 

The dysfunctions appear to be directly proportionate to the levels of shared emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence, therefore, appears to be an oxymoron. An oxymoron is a contradictory word pair. Those of you old enough to remember George Carlin's stand-up acts will remember him poking fun at the oxymorons "military intelligence" and "jumbo shrimp."  When it comes to our workplaces today, emotional intelligence should be a part of any good comic's routine.

 

Emotionally intelligent people have a wonderfully keen sense of self-awareness.  They know what emotions they are feeling at any given time and are aware of how their feelings affect what they think, say, and do.

 

Now, this may not seem significant until one realizes that successful leaders in organizations know that relationships count. Daniel Goleman (a pioneer in the field of emotional intelligence) tells us that at the core of effective relationships and outstanding performance stands self-awareness. There are multiple connections between self-awareness, self-management, and effective relationships. "You can't handle your feelings unless you're aware of what they are," he said. "If you can't handle them in yourself, then you are going to be disruptive in relationships."

 

Last year I was in contact with employees from over 700 different workplaces. The stories I heard about what goes on in your offices and your organizations makes me scratch my head and say, "huh?" Almost all because most of us are not self-aware enough to handle relationships well.

 

I hope the logical question on your mind is "How can I increase my emotional self-awareness?" This is a topic for a series of workshops, but a first step is to begin an emotional journal. Take time at the end of the day to note what you were feeling at different times and during different experiences throughout your day. Be certain to include how you reacted to those emotions (what behaviors immediately followed the emotion). Here's an excerpt from my emotional journal:

 

During the 9:00 meeting with XYZ and ABC I felt frustrated at the lack of input from ABC. My frustration caused me to talk more than I should have to compensate  for his silence.

 

This journaling exercise should not be used to solve any problems (although that will be an ancillary benefit). Instead, focus on the awareness of your feelings and how they affect your behaviors.

 

Happy functioning!

Empathy is Recognition NOT Acceptance

 

There is a lot of confusion around the social skill of empathy; and this confusion needs to be addressed in the workplace. Being empathetic is an extremely important social skill. Empathy is spawned, in part, from self-awareness.

 

Empathy is the ability to perceive what someone else is feeling. It is a recognition of another person's emotions or emotional state. It is NOT accepting their emotions/feelings as your own.

 

It is important for us to know what someone else is feeling, but we cannot let those feelings interfere with our own emotions and judgment. Empathy that goes beyond recognition of someone's feelings to accepting their feelings as your own is paralyzing.

 

I have seen leaders in organizations paralyzed by an employee's personal situation to the point that decisions in the best interest of the organization are compromised. Everyone of us--and everyone of the people in your organization have a plethora of "stuff" happening in their lives. If we allow our empathy to ooze into sympathy we do not benefit the individual or the organization.

 

So, I urge you to increase your self-awareness and keep your empathic skills in check. Do this by making sure you are not owning another's problem as much or more than they are. 

A Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln

by  Doris Kearns Goodwin

 

This historical, detailed look at the rise of our 16th President is a stunning glimpse at the power of emotional intelligence. Lincoln's presidential victory is credited to his ability to empathize with people.

 

His nomination at the Republican convention of 1860 surprised a great many people, but none more than his opponents.

 

After the election, Lincoln surrounded himself with a cabinet of "rivals." The men who had opposed him for the presidency--angry and disgruntled, were selected (and agreed) to serve with him to create a dynamic team.

 

This biography of five men: Lincoln, Seward, Chase, Stanton, and Bates is a study of relationships, effective team building, and the power of diversity in affecting change.

Face to Face Launches its New Website!

Please take a look and tell us what you think!

 

We welcome your comments, criticisms, and kudos for this new look!______________________________

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ATTENTION LIBRARIES AND MUSEUMS

LSTA grant applications are now available to "Bring in a Trainer;" and Face to Face Communications and Training qualifies. The application for the state of Illinois is linked here. If you need assistance filing your LSTA grant application, please call our office.

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CONNECT & GROW is an interactive newsletter for business professionals who believe in commitment and passion in their professional and personal lives.

If you found something of interest in this newsletter, please forward it (in its entirety, please) to a friend or colleague.

 

The focus of CONNECT & GROW is to provide brief insights into the world of interpersonal business communication.  It is edited by Gail Johnson, founder of Face to Face Communications and Training.  For more information, a complementary consultation, or initial training assessment email  Gail   or visit our website

 

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Bomb Scare

 

[This section of the newsletter contains stories or quips from you--our readers.  Send your submissions to cs@face2facetraining.com]

This story is from a suburban public library:

One day our oldest employee came up to me and reported there was a ticking box outside the window behind the circulation desk. Immediately several of us went to the window to see what it was. Sure enough outside the window, on the ground, behind the bushes there was a medium-sized brown box--lid closed. As we listened a ticking sound could be heard. Suddenly we all began to wonder if our little town had a bomb squad.

Several minutes passed as we debated what steps to take next.

Suddenly, I looked up and noticed the ticking was coming from a clock on the wall just above the bank of windows. I turned to my employee and said, "you fruit loop [her words, not mine], and pointed to the clock. We both began to laugh.

My employee then told me she had new hearing aids and she hadn't heard a clock tic in years!