Issue 214

May 
2007

publisher:
Gail Johnson

 

 Honestly Speaking
  
"The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale."
 ~Arthur C. Clarke
         
Every year we speak to thousands of people about communication in the workplace. When we do, Pam and I have a mantra: be clear, open, and honest. We keep saying it and people keep telling us why they can't.

 

"It's not the right time;" or "I'm not sure how they will handle it;" or "You just don't understand how he/she is;" we've heard every excuse there is for not speaking truth to people and we keep saying: "it's the most important thing you can do." And we're in good company.
 
Kouzes and Posner in their classic work The Leadership Challenge, reported that 90% of us want their leaders to be honest above anything else. They say, "It is clear that if we're to willingly follow someone--whether it be into battle or in the boardroom...we first want to assure ourselves that the person is worthy of our trust."
 
We all desire to know 'where we stand.' Whether it's in a personal relationship, in the classroom, or in the workplace it is essential for people to know where they stand. Without open and honest communication it's impossible.
 
Sometimes people ask me, how much honesty do I need to have. The measure might be in something called: transparency. According to Mark Albion (see article at right), "Transparency is about being open, honest, and imperfect." It coincides with Patrick Lencioni's emphasis on vulnerability-based trust. These business gurus--and countless others--know that integrity is more important than any other business strategy.
 
Still the question, "How do we do it?" keeps surfacing. I suppose the easiest way to explain it, is to stop filtering. Oh, don't get me wrong. I still filter out the "are you really that ignorant" at the end of my thoughts. Or the occasional, "Oh-my-gosh!" But outside of the things that are personal--tell people what you're thinking; as Pam says, "with discretion."
 
The second thing you can do is use facts, not judgments. If someone has a messy office space say, "your office space is a mess." Rather than, "you are a sloppy person."
 
Third, don't apologize for telling the truth. I spent a lot of years apologizing for telling people difficult truths. Ten years ago, when I started Face to Face, I discovered that consultants are highly valued, in part, for their ability to speak the truth--because so many people won't. Speaking truth makes you valuable.
 
So, as simply as I can state it, here are the keys to honest conversation:
 
  1. Stop filtering your conversations
  2. Use facts, not judgments
  3. Stop apologizing for your honesty
Honestly, why would you do it any other way?


Unintended Consequences
 
 
I thought we'd talk for a minute of the unintended consequences of withholding the truth from people. I was in a business recently when a manager approached a staff person and said, "Lucy, I'm disappointed that you consistently arrive late for our morning meetings. It makes me feel like you don't value other people's time." Lucy replied, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize it bothered you." To which the manager replied, "It's no big deal."

 

Believe it or not, Lucy was late for the next two morning meetings. What happened? The manager softened the honesty with the statement, "It's no big deal." This statement was neither honest nor helpful. The intention of the initial conversation was quickly diminished by the second, knee jerk reaction to make Lucy feel better.

 

Sound familiar? Here's another example: Peter has been unhappy with his top salesperson's (Sue) attitude for years. While Sue is always meeting targets and closing sales she has been over promising to customers and the staff that has to deliver is consistently making excuses for Sue's inattention to detail. Peter has never wanted to confront Sue because he's afraid she will quit and take her clients with her. Peter's biggest customer has just left the company because of the lack of integrity that Sue displayed during their last big purchase.  This was a $1,000,000 account.

 

The honest conversations you avoid today, will become more difficult next week, next month, next year...guaranteed.

True to Yourself: Leading a Values Based-Business
 
Mark Albion

 

From the beginning pages, this book will have you thinking about your commitment to honesty. Albion's measure of honesty in the workplace, is transparency.

 

"Transparency is about being open, honest, and imperfect," he says. In other words, let people see and experience the real you. With cousins like "integrity, authenticity, and credibility" it's difficult to understand why business-people would shun this value. After all, Albion tell us, "It's power comes from the source: truth."

 

The idea of transparency isn't rocket science and it isn't new...and it's probably easier than what most people leading organizations today are trying to do.

 

Don't get me wrong, Albion talks about compassion and communicating with care as not to leave the untactful and hurtful people feeling vindicated somehow. But this whole idea of truth-telling; of being transparent...well, it just makes me go, "hmmm." Take a read for yourself.

 

Be sure to check out Albion's Social Venture Network, too. Turn your values into value.



 
May 18
Reaching Forward Conference (Rosemont)
May 16, 23, 30
Public Seminar
Customer Service Series (Chicago)
There are a few seats left for these workshops
June 23-24
American Library Association Annual Conference (Washington, DC)
September 21
Reaching Forward South (Springfield, IL)
CONNECT & GROW is an interactive newsletter for business professionals who value commitment and passion in their professional and personal lives.

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 The focus of CONNECT & GROW is to provide brief insights into the world of interpersonal business communication.  It is edited by Gail Johnson, founder of Face to Face Communications and Training.  For more information, a complementary consultation, or initial training assessment email  Gail   or visit our website